Sunday, April 1, 2012

Forgive Me: A Sorry Letter to a Good Friend

I don’t know where to start. 
How did we get here? 
But I think saying sorry is probably the best place to start tbh.
I am sorry.
For everything. 
For everything I’ve ever done to you, if I ever made you cry. I’m sorry for bringing you down. The last thing I want to do is bring people down with me. People say not to look at the glass as half empty but half full and I do, but it’s already too late and I understand that. This letter isn’t me grovelling and begging you to be friends with me again, I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m writing this letter to apologise, I don’t want to come to the end of year nine and find that I never apologised for the way I behaved or I never talked to you again.
I’m negative a lot and I know that and I’m sorry if it’s affected you and made you go on a downer because of it :/
I know Ella has always been a major problem with me and you. I used to dislike E, and I’ll admit it flat out, I simply hated her because I was jealous. I thought she was out to steal my best friend, paranoid, I know, right ? I’m not excusing myself for this but in the past I have had my best friend turned against me and I thought it was happening again. I was stupid and immature, I expected you to drop E for me and I shouldn’t have. What kind of friend could I honestly be if I just expected you to do that, I would never ask anybody to choose between me and

someone else, I don’t know why I did it then. After spending time with E out of the friendship group we used to have, I like E. She’s funny and a really nice person, someone who I had no right to prejudice against. I can see why everybody loves her (: 
I made a fool of myself and I put our friendship at risk because of my jealousy and my paranoia, I’m sorry.
I screwed up, I know, I major screwed up, I have no excuses, I’m not going to lie to you. I know I shouldn’t say most, if not, all the things I say half the time. But I can’t take back what I’ve said and if I could I wouldn’t hesitate. If I didn’t come out with half the stuff I do come out with, I would have nothing to say, I’d be boring and then I’d lose your friendship again.
I hate fighting with you. Not being able to laugh with you and smile and cry. I miss you and ????and ??????. My friendship with them has taken a toll and I hate it. I hate everything that this has become. How far it has gone to the point where at any opportunity you move away from me and refuse to look at me ? I know I make you uncomfortable to be around and I’m sorry.
You probably wonder why I bothered writing this after all this time ? It hasn’t been that long but to me it feels like forever since we laughed together. I know it’s complicated and I know that I gave up. I threw my hands up and just gave up. I should’ve tried harder, I should be a friend and make you happy not unhappy to a point where you just can’t be around me anymore.
I wrote this letter because I realised life’s too short to be worrying about all the stupid things, all the things that make you want to cry, what’s the point in being down all the time ? it doesn’t make sense :L 
You mean a lot to me ?????. That’s the truth. And yep, it killed me to know that you didn’t want to be friends anymore, I won’t deny it. I couldn’t believe that someone who meant a lot to me and still does could say that. But I appreciate it. For being able to tell me what I’d done. So thank you.
I know this letter could be discarded and not taken into consideration and I know I’m a chicken. I don’t have the guts to say this to your face because knowing me it would come out all wrong. It’s easier to express how I feel on paper. 
I just wanted to say sorry and I hope you can forgive me, I don’t mean welcome me back arms wide open :L I meant, just so that I know I haven’t hurt you,
There’s only so many times I can apologise, so I’ll say it for the last time,
I’m sorry 


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